shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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