he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
