This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
