I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
