He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
