You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
