Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
