genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
