meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
