bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Randomize
