dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
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