Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
