I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
