I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize
