Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
