I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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