FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
