my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
