What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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