can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
