sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
