Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
