there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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