Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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