can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
