haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
