We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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