shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
