My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
