I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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