Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
