proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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