maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
