I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
