So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
