umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
