he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
