Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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