You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
True strength comes from lack of pants
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
