i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
