No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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