when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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