Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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