haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
