I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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