Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
