He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
