There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
