So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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