so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
