Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
