These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
