Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
How many fucks given?
0.12846
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
