The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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