just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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