i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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