Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
