The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I can tuck mytits in my pants
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
