Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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