I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Randomize
