In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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